You'd think that a Professional Organizer would have this all together, right?
Well, the physical house, the rooms, the laundry and the floors are all in pretty good shape.
I have a set standard and a pretty good routine, and my follow through is great when it comes to my household. I don't like clutter, and I like to be able to find what I need when I need it.
The house that is in need of attention is the one on the inside.
There is little order there.
I am scattered and cluttered, and I don't put the gifts that I have been given to the best use.
I lose track, I misplace, and I procrastinate.
My interior house is rather a mess, but I have new hope that there is someone out there that can help even me.
I have been on a journey through the "33 Days to Merciful Love" with St Therese of Lisieux, and, while I am still a mess, still a shambles, I have learned that, with her Little Way of hoping against hope, there is indeed still hope for me to become a saint. I have been running in circles for a lot of years, and I have filled up my interior house with a lot of junk. I think I may be a bit of a hoarder in that department. It is easy for me to simplify the physical spaces around me, but for me to simplify the interior spaces in my mind and heart is going to be a much bigger challenge.
I am not a person that embraces interior simplicity, in fact, I think that I have for a long time given far too much energy to the acquisition of knowledge, trying to become well educated, not wanting to appear, well, simple. St Therese has shown me that the way to Jesus is the inverse of the process of becoming recognized as "wise and intelligent" in the world.
Jesus Himself said, "I praise You, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, that You have hidden these things from the wise and intelligent and have revealed them to infants."
I have sought to be wise and intelligent, when I should have been seeking Jesus with the joyful hope of a child.
Now, the process of undoing 52 years of mental and spiritual cluttering is going to be something like stepping into the home of a hoarder, whose attachment to the things that are piled on every surface and in every room, is pathologically driven. I need a spiritual guide that will help me to let go, little by little, of the useless and broken bits of detritus that inhabit the corners of my heart; those thoughts and dreams of being "something" that have kept me from making Jesus and his Merciful Love my everything. It is not going to be any easier. Hoarders frequently fall back into their bad habits, and if not attentive to therapy and psychological help, they end up right back where they were. It's especially challenging when the attempt to change flies in the face of everything that the world and my personality have told me I need.
The thing is, I can't waste any more time. My life is more than half over, and I have not been paying very good attention to the most important details. I need a way to hold myself accountable. I need reminders throughout the day, of the pitfalls of "collecting" recognition and trying to have the answers. I need to seek the childlike around me, and the joy in the most simple moments, and I really need to stay close to the Little Flower. She will be my Spiritual Organizer. She will help me root out the things that are impeding my progress.
Thank You Jesus, for your Mercy and for giving us the precious jewel of the "Little Way".
I think I get it now.